This old house had been in my family for years. I had seen my life pass on this beach. My wife said her final goodbyes in the bed in the back bedroom. I hadn’t slept in that bed in years, just couldn’t.  I slept in my recliner in the den where my cigars and beer kept me company.

Would my wife be happy that I had just given up? No, she would be all over my ass about getting out there and I did from time to time. I went to Joes bar and smoked my cigars and drank his beer, but it was cheaper just to sit in this recliner looking out at the ocean through my sliding glass doors.

I had my neighbors, a cute couple who just happened to fall in love because of me. I introduced them and played cupid as much as I could.

I looked at it as my way of doing one good thing before I died. Death… that was thing that should have been miles away from my mind. But it was always there.

Every morning I went out on the beach with my rod and reel and my favorite chair. I sat there catching fish and putting them in the bucket. I shared with the neighbors, they always had fresh fish when they needed them and they would always throw parties and look down at me as I sat on my porch smoking my cigars.

“Come join us Bob!” They would yell but I just threw my hand up and told them to enjoy themselves.

They joined me from time to time with a fresh six pack of beer and a talk. Mostly they hated to see me all alone but it was how I liked it. The less people you know the more time you have to reminisce about the past. And the only thing I wanted to think about was my wife. She had left me a widower and that was my new profession.

I met my wife when I was on a day pass from the Army. We had just got back from Vietnam and I had a lot of baggage. I killed a lot of men and I wasn’t proud of it like some of the men on the base. Everyone dealt with it their own way, my way was drinking. Amy was the bartender and she took a lot of shit from the men on the base, but she gave as much as she got. A slap on her ass got you a slap on the face and a beer thrown on you. She was a tough little bitch but dammit I loved her.

She never threw beer in my face but she did talk to me a lot.

“Why are you so different than those guys?” She asked.

“Because my daddy taught me to respect a lady.” I said.

“You think I am a lady?” She said with a laugh. “Bob, I’m the farthest thing from a lady.”

“You’re a lady to me. To those guys you’re a set of legs and boobs that brings them beer. To me you are an angel that listens to my problems and never charges me for the therapy.” I said.

We were a pair back then. She didn’t have to think twice when I asked her to join me for dinner and a walk around town.

We dated until I was discharged then we found a preacher to marry us and we moved here, to my parents beach house. She took up bartending and I fished. I bought a boat and took out a bunch of men who didn’t know how to fish and spent the day at a secret spot where the fish always bit. They would come back after smoking their cigars and drinking their imported beer and their cooler full of fish, most tipped well. It was the richest that tip the least. Guess that’s how it went when you had money. You kept it and became richer. I never got rich on that boat but it gave this old Sargeant a bit to spend on Amy. I bought her roses once a week and we ate our load of fish. She never told me that she loved steak, hell if I had known that I would have bought a cattle ranch and fed her steak every night. She had the biggest blue eyes and always knew how to make me do anything she wanted.

At night I would play my old Gibson guitar on the porch and smoke cigars and drink beer as she listened and requested songs. I know she got tired of the same old songs but she loved me and in her eyes I could do no wrong.

After twenty five years of marriage she went to bed and never woke up, doctors said she had a bad heart and that it just gave out. I gave up.

I became a recluse, sold my boat, and took up residence on my porch with a bottle of bourbon.  I could hear her in my mind, “Get off your ass and go get us some fish.” That voice never died even though she did. Honey I’m sorry now, I know you cant hear me but I’m sorry for all the hell I put you through with my nightmares of Nam. I’m sorry I found solace sitting alone on the porch drinking and smoking. I was picking my own way of dying, and it came in a plastic wrapper and bottle of liquor. I needed her now. But that time was gone.

What kept me sane for so long? I don’t know, maybe it was her voice telling me to get off my ass. Maybe it was the visits from the neighbors who talked to me like I was human. They told me their tales and I would tell them mine. They always brought ice cold beer and occasionally a few cigars they picked up at the local cigar store. All they had to do was say they were buying them for Bob and the clerk picked out my favorites.

I worked my magic with them and they had a wedding on the beach, and even invited me. I just sat and thought of my wedding with Amy. We didn’t have a lot of money so it was just me and her and the preacher. These kids didn’t know how lucky they had it, so many friends and guest. I found my chair and enjoyed watching them party all night. I got a kick out of it all. But I missed my Amy.

Some nights they would be on their porch and look over and see the glow of my cigar and wave for me to come over. I did, I tried. I socialized with them like everything was fine. When the wife would go inside I told my neighbor that the best thing he had in his life was her. And to protect her like she was the most precious gem on Earth. He just laughed and said he was doing his best, but sometimes she was a bit much.

“A bit much is better than nothing at all.” I said.

He understood. He knew I was hurting and he told me that he couldn’t make it without her. I told him he could but it would hurt like hell.

“Is that what you go through every day?” He asked.

“Her ghost is sleeping in our bed, and I don’t dare disturb her. I’ve been sleeping in my recliner for years. Promise me this kid, put up with whatever shit she throws your way, live for every kiss, and hug and never go to bed mad.”

“I promise Bob, I will do just that.”

Just then she popped through from the kitchen and asked him to take out the trash. I shook my head and smiled. He jumped at her request. She sat down and said, “Bob we worry about you. Its hurricane season and do you have a plan on finding shelter if it gets too bad?”

“I’ve rode out every hurricane for the last thirty years, lost my favorite chair a year ago but I bought a new one, doesn’t sit like the old one but its good. I’ll be fine. The worst thing that could happen is I die in my recliner and that suits me fine.”

“So your wife dies and you hang it all up? Would she want that?”

“No she would tell me to get off my ass and seek help. But she’s gone and the only person I have to listen to is my old mind telling me that my ship left years ago. I’m on borrowed time. If I died tomorrow I’d be okay with that. Marriage is forever and I meant it when I told her that I would see her soon.”

They left it at that for a while, but every time they had a cook out they always brought me a plate and a beer.

The weather was strange that year, we had a lot of rain. Which meant I was stuck on the porch smoking my cigars and drinking whiskey from a glass with ice. Never cared for whiskey without ice, it was just too strong without it. I slept those nights in my old recliner, from my chair I could see the bedroom and where she laid. I would fall asleep to reruns and her dent on the pillow.

When the first light broke I headed down the beach with my rod and reel, a bucket of beer and my new chair. Didn’t much care for the chair, it didn’t sit the same as my old one. Damn that storm for taking my chair.

I went that night down to Joes bar and ordered a beer and shooter of whiskey. Alice the bartender came up to me and asked me how life had been since the new neighbors moved it.

“They invite me over a lot, hate to say no but I prefer my place to theirs. But they are good kids but nobody wins in this war.”

“You old vets talking about the war. Its over hun, you can put your gun away and enjoy life. Why don’t you and I go out for dinner one of these nights. You’re the only gentlemen in town and I would be lucky to have dinner with a man like you.”

“Honey, I’m more than honored but I’m a married man. We don’t do things like that.”

“Bob she’s been gone for years. She would want you to move on.” Alice said.

“She might be dead and gone but I’m still married and I don’t take that lightly. I made a promise to her. And I’m too damn old to be going out on the town with a looker like you. You deserve a young man, hell what are you fifty?”

“Fifty four in September. And your not an old man. Hell you get around just fine and you look more like seventy than however old you are.”

“Eighty five. Old enough to be your daddy. You are a beautiful lady and you deserve a guy who can make you feel thirty. But thank you for the invite.”

“I worry about you Bob. Just think about it. Just dinner, that’s all.”

I held up my wedding band and said, “Its forever.”

When I left the bar she told the cook, “They don’t make them like them anymore, married for life.”

“Don’t let it bother you, he’s just a crazy old vet who loves to fish and smoke those damn cigars. You know he’s the only one I let smoke those things in here.” Joe said.

“He’s not crazy, he’s the sanest of us all.” She said as she wiped down the bar.

NOAA was calling for a category five to hit at the end of the week. I decided to ride it out. I went to the grocer and stocked up on rations. If the power went out I had my generator and I could eat pork and beans for dinner. The neighbors decided to ride it out, they had the new houses that were built for hurricanes and they had a generator in the back, they would be fine.

By Friday the waves had picked up and were pounding on the beach. No fishing today. I went into the bedroom and sat on my side of the bed and talked to Amy.

“Honey I’m sorry. I almost gave into temptation. Alice at the bar invited me out for dinner and I told her I was married. And in my mind we still are, even if you are in a jar sitting on the shelf in the den, I just couldn’t move on. I’m too old for that shit. You are the only woman I ever loved and your ghost haunts me daily. Its all I got to keep from going insane. They say this storm is going to be a killer, but I don’t plan on moving out and leaving you behind.”

In my heart I felt her say its all okay, just go drink your whiskey and smoke a good cigar. It will all pass.

I spent most of the night smoking on the front porch. Would this be my last cigar?  I went into my den and opened my humidor and pulled out the Arturo Fuente Hemingway that I was saving for the end. I clipped it and lit it with my old Army Zippo. I poured myself a glass full of whiskey with ice and went back to the rocking chair on the porch.

The neighbor came down and invited me to spend the night with them, their house was built extra strong and they didn’t want anything to happen to me. I laughed and told them I was fine. If it was my time to go then I wanted to be with my wife.

When the wind got up to a full gust I went back inside and grabbed the urn and sat down with it in my chair and put on the television. I put on an old cop show and drank until I passed out.

The hurricane came and went. I don’t remember dying. I was too drunk to remember anything, truth is I was dead already.

When I woke up I walked down the beach and saw a lady sitting in the swing on the beach. It was Amy. And it was then I knew I had died in the storm.

I could see my house in the distance and the rescue workers digging through what was left of my house.

“Have a seat old man.” Amy said.

I did and looked at her for the first time in years. She hadn’t aged.

“I died holding you.”

“I know, I was watching. Why wouldn’t you just seek shelter? You didn’t have to die this way.”

“Death was coming for me. I felt it close by. Not to mention your ghost that laid in your bed.”

“I have these for you.” She said as she handed me a pack of cigars and a bottle of my favorite whiskey.

“Is this heaven?” I asked.

“Its up to you. You can sit here as long as you like. But eventually you have to choose. You have to be the one who goes into the light.” She said.

“What about you?” I asked.

“I’m just here to guide you. I’d like if you care to come with me.” She said.

“Let me smoke one more and have a little whiskey.” I said as I lit up the cigar with my old lighter.

“Theres plenty more up there. I even have a house on the beach and the fishing is always good.” She persuaded me.

“So heaven isn’t just a bunch of white robes and singing hymns all day?” I asked.

“No its what makes you happy. I just came to get you. Looks like they just found your body, might not wanna watch them pull you out. It doesn’t help anything.”

I looked at her instead.

“When you died so did I.” I said.

“I know, I’ve watched you die every day. Killing yourself slowly with booze and those stinky cigars.”

“You always knew how to bust my balls. I missed that.”

“I know you did. That’s why I whispered it to you. You just never listened. And I would have been okay if you took Alice out on a date. I just wanted you to be happy.”

I held up my ring finger and spun my wedding ring around. “This meant forever.”