James Heaton copyright 2024

The bar was the most beautiful thing in the room that night. It had been brought over from Ireland in pieces from a pub that had closed its doors. Not something you expect to hear about Ireland, a bar closing its doors but it happens. And this bar was proof. The walls were aged brick and the floor was made of beautifully stained pine planks. Covered with a thick coat of polyurethane and sealed with the thousands of beer stains that sealed in the flavor of the bar. There was a jar of pickled eggs and I had tried them before. They weren’t bad. They weren’t good either but I loved them because it was something I experienced in this bar and there was no place I liked better at the moment, but the bar would never be the beach and that is where she and I spent our last days together.

She was the reason I was here. She was the reason I came every night before work and drank my share of iced cold beer and did shots of whiskey. I couldn’t get her out of my head. She haunted my memory and that was all I could say about that.

Two years ago, I met her in my office, she came to me to help with her stock portfolio, she had inherited several shares of a few companies and needed help with the transfer to her name. She had quite a fortune and I suggested she sale them and start fresh with her own portfolio. It would be the easiest way and she thought about it. It would be nice to have the money and she was open to starting fresh. She could save for her retirement even though that would be a good forty years from now.

The thing that took me was the smeared peanut butter on her shirt and the toddler at her side. She was a stay at home mom and her husband was busy with his girlfriends, too busy to help his wife with any business that didn’t include himself. In fact, she wanted to keep this money safe and secure in her name only. She was planning on leaving the bastard.

We made a connection that night. Our eyes locked more than once and she stuttered a few times and so did I. She was my last client of the night and I asked her if it would be too forward to ask her to dinner, my treat. She gladly accepted and her and her little boy, Tyler joined me for dinner at Applebee’s. She ordered a huge meal and ate it all, I could tell that she didn’t eat good at home. Her husband limited her allowance and food was never on his mind. It disgusted me that a man could be so blind that he couldn’t see the glorious angel that bore his child. And she had left her mark on me. I closed my eyes and saw the silhouette of her face in my mind. It was burned on my mind. She had the sweetest face outlined by the reddish blonde hair and curls that hung down to her shoulders. Her eyes were too big for her head and looked like a sad puppy that steals hearts. And her nose was so small and round on the end that it looked like a little ball. But it was her lips, those soft supple lips that were a beautiful shade of virtuous rose. They screamed to be kissed and that is what I wanted more than anything. To kiss those lips.

We finished our meal and her son was tired, she put him in the car seat and stood beside her car talking about stuff and nonsense until I got the nerve to ask her if I could kiss her. She hesitated and then said yes. That moment was euphoric to me, I was outside of my body and hovering high above the two lovers who were deep into a kiss. We vowed to see each other again soon, she said she knew it was wrong but her husband had left the relationship a year ago to spend his time with his new lover and he rarely came home anymore. She had already filed for divorce and was waiting for her final hearing that would free her from the bastard that lost out on what I was trying to win over.

Fair is fair, you leave a beautiful woman like that out in public and someone is bound to fall in love with her. And that is what happened to me. But I had a wife at home that I had been trying to leave for the last three years. Looked like now was the time to get serious.

My marriage was a joke. I got married too young and she was older than me, she kept me around for the socials and parties that her company was always throwing. She didn’t want to be single at those functions, only the losers came alone. I hated being arm candy to a bitch who never showed me an ounce of affection, only correction and critical reviews of my appearance. Wear this not that, cut your hair, take out your earrings, hide your jewelry and wear nice shoes. It was all I ever got; she didn’t love me for me. No, she loved the idea of me.

I had a good job and she envisioned us buying a beach house together for her retirement. She was only twenty years away from her retirement and she was looking at a lot of money, I knew because I managed her stock portfolio. She had over a hundred grand tucked away for the end of her career and that wasn’t counting her 401K or her Social Security. She was set and didn’t need me. I had been trying for three years to leave, like I said. I wrote letter after letter to her telling her I was leaving and she always talked me back. But that was over, I was really in love with Maggie. It wasn’t just infatuation, I knew the moment I saw that peanut butter smeared on her shirt, little imperfections that made her perfect. And love was like that. It wasn’t always the tall, blonde goddesses in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue that grabbed your heart, no I like imperfection. I liked real humans, not the glorified airbrushed women on the posters. I wanted Maggie. I wanted her like I wanted air to breathe. She had taken my heart and I needed her to live.

Maggie and I continued to see each other; she had her mother watch her son while we found our peace in little motel rooms. Sometimes she would spend the night and wake up beside me. I had never been so happy. But my wife knew there was some reason I walked around with a smile and she had me followed. Her detective got everything he needed to fry me, I was good with that, I just wanted out.

Funny thing was our divorce was processed and finished just a week after Maggie’s. We were both finally free and we moved in together. We found a little apartment and she and Tyler were finally somewhere they didn’t have to worry about. Maggie found a job and worked bankers hours just like me, her mother kept her son during the day. We had a bedroom just for him and he loved it. Before he was stuck in a bed with his parents in their tiny house. But now I had a stepson that I could impart my knowledge of the world on. And I knew a lot about the world, I had always wanted a son.

Maggie and I were engaged a year after the divorce and we started planning for the wedding. But what I didn’t know was that she was talking to her ex-husband. She was really talking to him, he turned on the charm and apologized for his past, he promised that they could work it out. And it was their son that pulled them back together. Maggie saw things differently now. He had polluted her mind. He told her families belonged together. 

We never made it to our wedding date. She gave back the ring and moved back in with Mr. Wrong. I was broken. And I’m still broken. I threw away a shitty marriage for a relationship that I thought was born in the stars. A relationship that I though belonged on the Silver Screen. But she was convinced going back to him was what was best for her child, and I really couldn’t disagree. I didn’t want the boy to come from a broken home, even if it did break my heart to let him go. I could have been a better father. She just couldn’t see that.

That’s what made me pack it all up and head to Savannah, Georgia. I got a job in a hotel as night auditor and my job started at 11pm and went to 7am. I made it a habit to head to the bar around 8pm and drink until it was time for me to head into work. Yeah I headed into work drunk most nights. My job was so simple that I didn’t need all my mental functions to do it. And it was a big step down from stock broker. I regretted all my decisions but in my defense I did what my heart told me to do. I followed it blindly and for a year I experienced true love. Nobody could take that away from me.

I spent my days off reading books at the bar while nursing whiskey all night long. Women would come up to me and tried to make conversation. Some nights I went home with them, for the physical release but my heart belonged to Maggie. The next day I would wash off the filth of another woman. A woman that I couldn’t remember her name. But it didn’t matter, I was through with women. What were the chances that a man could fall in love so deeply twice?

I spent the next three years doing the same things, work and drink. And occasionally going to the beach to drink a bottle of wine while I sat in the sand thinking about my time here with Maggie. I could see her in her bathing suit tanning on the blanket. Sometimes I talked to her, even though she wasn’t there. Every song was about her and sometimes I saw her walking down the street, but it was never her. I was losing my mind.

I needed to escape all of this so I packed my bags and bought a ticket to the Bahamas. Yes it was an irrational move on my part but what else was I to do? I needed to escape.

I spent the next three years wandering around the different islands, sometimes working construction for my money. I was lucky that I had a nice stock portfolio of my own to keep me afloat. But that money wouldn’t last forever. I frequented all the bars and drank my sorrow away.

It was on a Tuesday and I was at Gators Bar on the inlet. There were the usual crowd, a few guys who just got off a construction job enjoying a bucket of beer. There were a few local women who sat at the bar laughing and having fun. I envied them. To have nothing but joy in your heart, but my heart was broken. And I wanted Maggie back.

I decided to write her a final letter. I told her how I wished her the best and that I was still in love with her. I told her how I lived in the islands now and that it wasn’t the same without her. I added some other stuff about our time together, things that mattered to me but probably didn’t mean shit to her. I mailed it and in two weeks I got a letter from her.

She told me that she thought about me every day, but she needed to do what was best for her son, no matter how much this all broke her heart. She told me she had a new job and that her husband was trying. I was glad about that; she deserved a man who recognized her as the angel she was. But that was the last time we talked. She signed it, love Maggie. And that was what I was doing, and always would. I could never really let her go. It was too hard. Or so I thought. I hadn’t the strength to open my heart again so soon. No, it would take time.

I got bored of the Bahamas, if that’s even possible. I needed a new home and that’s when I moved to Playa del Carmen. I went back to my old habits but this time I had a nice job doing what I was best at, stock portfolios for the wealthy on the island. I had bankers hours again and spent my nights at a little bar on the main strip. I learned to love Mojito’s and drank them by the pitcher full.

I got so bad that I tried to find peace in a little church and found a beautiful church just down the street. I walked in, the smell of incense was powerful. It was beautiful inside, exactly like many of the Catholic Churches. I was raised Catholic and found some sense of peace inside the church with Mary and Jesus looking at me from the walls.

I sat on the back pew and started to pray. I began to cry; it all just came out. All the hate and sadness, all the anger and self-pity that had been crammed down deep into my soul. I let it roll, I knew I needed it. I should have fought harder; I should have begged her to stay. I should have done a lot of things and I had nothing but regret.

A priest approached me and sat down beside me.

“Can I help you with anything my child?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m at my end. Drinking myself to death and living in sorrow. All my problems just stay with me no matter how far I try to get away from them.”

“Well, you can hop on a fancy plane and fly a thousand miles away and guess what? Your problems will still be there waiting for you to get off the plane. You cant run from your problems, you have to face each one. God will guide you. Just seek peace.” And then he prayed with me. I didn’t tell him that I didn’t believe in God anymore, he had abandoned me in every way possible. But the prayer helped. And his advice meant everything to me.

I thanked the Padre for his advice and went back to my room and packed my things. I bought a plane ticket to Savannah and the next day I was on my way home.

I found an apartment within a week of moving back, and I was thankful for that. Living in a hotel room was not my idea of fun. My apartment was simple and slowly I made it into a home. I built a place I was happy in. There were no bad memories with all new furniture. Slowly I was coming back into the world of the living. And man, what a world it was. Everything seemed fresh and new, even the old city looked and felt different. I was over Maggie. I had let that go, just like the Padre said.

Within a week I was back at the Rail bar and drinking my whiskey and reading books at the bar. I liked the noise and getting lost in my books. I was currently reading Islands in the Stream by Hemingway. It was a sad book, it fit my mood. But the Padre’s words didn’t go unused. I worked hard to face my problems one by one. And I had let Maggie go. She was my past and I needed to focus on my future.

It was a Thursday night when I went into the bar. There was a beautiful woman sitting at the end of the bar and I couldn’t help but stare. She was breathtaking and she appeared to be alone. When I say she was breathtaking I meant it, she was magical. Looking back, I know that the moment I saw her I fell in love with her. Maybe that was my problem, falling in love too fast, but not tonight. Tonight, would be magical just like her.

I moved beside her and asked if I could join her. She said yes. I sat down and ordered her a drink and a Bloody Mary for myself. She asked what I was reading and I told her. She was intrigued.

“Why do you read at a bar, aren’t you in here looking for a one night stand like all the other guys?” She asked.

“No, I like the noise, it helps me dive deeper into the book and my drink. I’m taking a break from finding love. It’s a long story but I just need a break.” I said. But wasn’t that a lie? I was in love with her. But I dare not say it. Even I knew that.

“Same here. I’m tired of one night stands. I just want a relationship, a friendship with a man I love. Is that too much to ask.” She said.

“I agree. Love is a hidden gem that you have to look really hard for.” I said.

She nodded her head and took a drink from her glass.

“What do you say we go grab some pizza after we finish our drinks, you can tell me all about the guy who wrecked your heart. I’d love to hear someone else’s pain for once.” She laughed and agreed to pizza.

Emma and I wound up at Vinnie Van GoGo’s and ordered an entire pizza. We talked and bonded over our sadness. She had been in a ten year relationship and the man just lost interest in her. I found that hard to believe and told her it wasn’t her fault. She asked why I would say that.

“I just met you but in the short time I’ve known you I have to say it would be hard to grow bored of you. That wasn’t on you.” I said.

“I feel the same about you. I cant imagine why your ex would just up and leave you. I don’t think I’ve met a more thoughtful man in my life. And you listen, that’s a rare thing.” She said, tearing at my heart. I was feeling that old familiar euphoria of being with a woman. And I knew I wanted a relationship with this woman. I just didn’t want to ruin it. I kept telling myself to slow down and enjoy the beginnings of a beautiful relationship. She made me feel, human. She made me feel love.

There was something special about her and I didn’t think of Maggie the entire time I was with her, except for our exchange of broken heart stories.

Emma had short brown hair and the most beautiful brown eyes that sparkled in the lights that filled the outside of the restaurant. She had beautiful full lips and a cute nose that fit her face just perfect. She was beautiful and I was smitten with her. You can’t blame a heart for getting broken. That’s what its meant for, it operates on its own accord and it knows when someone is worth the time. It will tell you everything if you just listen.

Emma and I went on our first date a few nights later. I picked her up in my car and we drove to a nice restaurant on Tybee Island. We had seafood and our share of margaritas. We laughed and joked around like two old friends and I was falling in love with her. I thought a lot about her that night, she occupied every inch of my brain. And I was happy.

We walked the beach that night and found a little nook to sit in the sand, I put my jacket down for her to sit on. We looked at the stars and talked about our dreams, turns out we wanted the same thing. I didn’t want to mess this up. I wanted this to work because I couldn’t handle another break up.

That night we made love on the beach under the stars. And it was the most euphoria I had felt in years. An hour spent in the sand with the woman I was infatuated with. She had no idea how much I adored this. She had a soft body and we just fit together so well. Both physically and mentally. When we finished we just sat looking at the stars. She had her head on my lap and we listened to the waves crashing on the shore.

“This is nice.” She said simply.

“I’ve travelled thousands of miles to find this. I don’t want to lose it.” I said.

“Why would you lose it? We have a good thing going. Don’t you want it to go on and on. I know I do.” She said heartfully.

And I didn’t lose it, six months later we were engaged and six months from that date we were married.

I never expected to ever find love but it was hidden in the corner of a bar in Savannah Georgia. That was the crazy thing about love, it hides until you really need it and then it rears its head and grabs your heart and leads you in the right direction. Emma was never a mistake or a rebound for me, she showed me a life that I always wanted and we loved every minute of it. If there was a definition of happiness, it would be our life together. We lived in Savannah and visited the beach every weekend, even on the coldest days we walked the beach. She would always point out the little place we made love on our first date. I blushed and laughed. She loved that. She loved me. And much more than that, I loved her.

The Padre was right, I just needed to face my problems and get back to living. I will never forget his words; they were the fuel I needed to find Emma and I loved her for the rest of my life.

The End